Wednesday, February 27, 2013
2013 REGISTRATION
PASS THIS INFO ONTO FRIENDS! THIS YEAR WE WILL GIVE A PRIZE AT THE OPENING SOCIAL TO THE MEMBER WHO HAS THE MOST LADIES REGISTER AND PAY BY THEN!!! RECRUIT!!!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
GOLF KEEPS YOU YOUNG!
Scottish Golfer Gets a Check-up
An 80-year old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor was amazed at the great shape the old fellow was in and asked, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I am Scots and I’m a golfer,” said the old fellow, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I am up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee nip of whiskey on each hole, and that’s it.”
“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there has to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”
“Who said my dad died?”
The doctor was amazed.
“You mean you are 80 years old and your dad’s still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s a 100 years old,” said the old Scottish golfer. “In fact he golfed wi’ me this mornin’… And then we went to the topless beach for a walk, and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s a Scot and a golfer, too.”
“Well,” the doctor said, “that’s great, but I am sure there’s more to it than that. How about your dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my grandad is dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asked, “You mean you are 80 years old and your grandfather is still living! Incredible, how old is he?!”
“He turned 118 last month,” said the old Scot.
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point:
“So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No. Grandad couldn’t go this mornin’ because he’s getting married today.”
At this point the doctor was close to losing it – “Getting married?! Why would a 118-year old bloke want to get married?”
“Who said he wanted to?”
The doctor was amazed at the great shape the old fellow was in and asked, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I am Scots and I’m a golfer,” said the old fellow, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I am up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee nip of whiskey on each hole, and that’s it.”
“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there has to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”
“Who said my dad died?”
The doctor was amazed.
“You mean you are 80 years old and your dad’s still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s a 100 years old,” said the old Scottish golfer. “In fact he golfed wi’ me this mornin’… And then we went to the topless beach for a walk, and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s a Scot and a golfer, too.”
“Well,” the doctor said, “that’s great, but I am sure there’s more to it than that. How about your dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my grandad is dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asked, “You mean you are 80 years old and your grandfather is still living! Incredible, how old is he?!”
“He turned 118 last month,” said the old Scot.
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point:
“So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No. Grandad couldn’t go this mornin’ because he’s getting married today.”
At this point the doctor was close to losing it – “Getting married?! Why would a 118-year old bloke want to get married?”
“Who said he wanted to?”
BLACK & WHITE TV
Subject: FW: BLACK AND WHITE TVSome of you might not remember but ..... some of us do! Enjoy
Black and White
Black and White (Under age 40? You won't understand.)You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
Pull a chair up to the TV set,
'Good Night, David.
Good Night, Chet.'My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning..
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e. Coli.Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Keds (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
Flunking gym was not an option..... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.
We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses?Ours wore a hat and everything.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.
Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.
I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.
Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family..
How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!
THANKS, MICHELLER!
ALL TOO TRUE!
| ||
THANKS, JANIE!
Friday, February 15, 2013
TOO COLD TO GOLF
Here are the top ten signs it’s too cold for golf:
#10… You have to wear the visor with the plaid, woolen ear flaps.
#09… Even with Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart in your group, you still don’t feel warm and fuzzy.
#08… Your hands feel warmer when they touch a witch’s breast.
#07… When you fell through the ice, you realized taking a divot on a frozen pond wasn’t such a hot idea.
#06… Your cart sinks when it hits an iceberg.
#05… It drops below the temperature of an IRS agent’s heart.
#04… It’s hard to read a putt with Tammy Faye Baker icicles on your eyelashes.
#03… The greens are groomed by a Zamboni.
#02… A Woolly Mammoth just walked across the hole.
And the NUMBER ONE reason it’s too cold for golf:
#01… Your balls have turned blue.
#10… You have to wear the visor with the plaid, woolen ear flaps.
#09… Even with Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart in your group, you still don’t feel warm and fuzzy.
#08… Your hands feel warmer when they touch a witch’s breast.
#07… When you fell through the ice, you realized taking a divot on a frozen pond wasn’t such a hot idea.
#06… Your cart sinks when it hits an iceberg.
#05… It drops below the temperature of an IRS agent’s heart.
#04… It’s hard to read a putt with Tammy Faye Baker icicles on your eyelashes.
#03… The greens are groomed by a Zamboni.
#02… A Woolly Mammoth just walked across the hole.
And the NUMBER ONE reason it’s too cold for golf:
#01… Your balls have turned blue.
STAYING YOUNG!
We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1.. Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)
3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...
Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6..
The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is
with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips..
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my special friend!
11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance..
Remember! Lost time can never be found.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Wine does not make you FAT .... it makes you LEAN .....
(against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)
THANK YOU , MY FRIENDS !
THANKS, JANE
GOLF ETHICS
Subject: Golf Ethics Question
The
video at the link below is about 78 seconds long, and although a golf
situation, it presents a real-life dilemma regarding ethics.
The real question: what would you do...
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