FOX WATCH

Hey Ladies!  The Fox is on the loose and there was a sighting last Wednesday!  June Sullivan sent me this and, of course, I have to share:

"Yesterday when Vickie McCall, Zelva, and I were golfing, we had a fox sighting.  It was so fun.  Zelva had hit her ball and the fox appeared and picked it up.  He (or she) then dropped it but kind of just snuggled next to it.  Vickie then hit her ball and the fox took off after it.  We never did find it so are assuming the fox stole it.  I took a couple of pictures."

If anyone has any "Fox Fun" you want to share with the league, just email me (Dodie) and I will put them on the BLOG for our enjoyment!

SMILE!!!

Zelva, Karen, Dodie and Judi!

THREE GOLFING PARTNERS DIED IN A CAR WRECK AND WENT TO HEAVEN

Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don’t hit the ducks in your first three months here.

The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, “The ducks?”

“Yes”, St. Peter replies, “There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he quacks then the one next to him quacks and soon they’re all quacking to beat the band and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you’ll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy.”

Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacked, the one next to it quacked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.

St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, “Who hit the duck?”

The guy who had done it admitted, “I did.”

St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks,”, he said. Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”

The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman. St.Peter cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand.

“I told you not to hit the ducks,” he said; “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”

The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn’t hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.

The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a contented sigh and wondered aloud,

“I wonder what I did to deserve this?”

The woman responds, “I don’t know about you, but I hit a duck.”

THANKS JANE!!!

 

50th ANIVERSARY

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

 

Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!

 

THANKS SUSAN & MONA!!!

WORTH WATCHING!!!

This is GREAT!  Thanks Susan!!!

Click on link;  http://www.safeshare.tv/w/lNQxKkFRoZ

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex......

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle, have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....

#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

AGAIN...THANKS, JANE!!

GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.'

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ....neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive. 

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

THANKS, JANE!!!

A Rugged Outdoor Woman

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors. 

"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull Elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine. 

Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!"

"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really, really shitty golfer". 

 THANKS, MONA!!!

OH SO TRUE!

Thanks Susan for sharing...

*** LIFE IS NOT THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE, "IT'S THE WAY IT IS".

         THE WAY YOU COPE WITH IT IS WHAT MAKES "THE DIFFERENCE".

 

Wild Night At Our House
(THIS IS SO CUTE, but true)
 

                 HOW TRUE IT IS 

Another year has passed 
And we're all a little older.
 
Last summer felt hotter 
And winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts, 
To put down on my pad, 

But lots of things, That come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago 
When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'. 

We used to go to friends homes,
Football games and lunches.

Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.   

Now we suffer body aches 
And sleep the night away. 

We used to go out dining, 
And couldn't get our fill. 

Now we ask for doggie bags, 
Come home and take a pill.

We used to travel often
To places near and far. 

Now we get backaches
From riding in the car. 

We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the Mall 

But, now we never bother...
All the sizes are too small. 

That, my friend is how life is, 
And now my tale is told. 

So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damn old!! 

You pass this way only once so enjoy it while you can; Live A Lot, Laugh A Lot and Love A Lot!

 

BLACK & WHITE TV

 

Subject: FW:  BLACK AND WHITE TV

 

Some of you might not remember but  .....  some of us do!     Enjoy
 

 

Go all the way to the bottom past the pictures..... I think you'll enjoy it. Whoever wrote this must have been my next door neighbor because it totally described my childhood to a 'T.' Hope you enjoy it. Black and White Black and White (Under age 40? You won't understand.) You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go. Pull a chair up to the TV set, 'Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.' My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.. My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e. Coli. Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then. The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.   We all took gym, not PE...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Keds (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option..... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym. Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses?Ours wore a hat and everything. I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed! We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat. We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck. To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.. How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes. We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive? LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING! THANKS, MICHELLER!

ALL TOO TRUE!

"This could be one of us someday!" (Some of us are already there !) When asked by a young patrol officer," Do you know you were speeding?" This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated: "Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going." The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day. Makes perfectly good sense to me.

 THANKS, JANIE!

STAYING YOUNG!

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!

;

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1.. Try everything twice.

On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...

Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6.. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..

Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips..

Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

I love you, my special friend!

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance..

Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Wine does not make you FAT .... it makes you LEAN .....

(against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)

THANK YOU , MY FRIENDS !

THANKS, JANE

THANKS TO BRENDA FOR THIS WARNING!!

Shampoo Warning!

I NEVER KNEW THIS!!! THIS WARNING INVOLVES SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY AS YOU SHOWER WITH IT!!!!
I HAVE JUST RECEIVED THIS WARNING!

Shampoo Warning
I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and
Printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,

"FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

No wonder I have been gaining weight!
Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to

start showering with Dawn dish soap instead.
Its label reads,

"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
Problem solved!
If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

WHAT KIND OF LESSONS?...RIP

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee.
The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she duffs it 10 feet. Then she goes over and misses it completely. Then she hacks it another 10 feet and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f....g lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 43......


THANKS, Brenda!!!

NEW YEAR'S ADVICE

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.  

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social outings over the years.

A  couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a  few too many cocktails.  Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

Thanks, Jane W. for sharing your experience with us all!!!

More Humor...JUST MY LUCK!!

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend

"That's us in 10 years".

 

He said "That's a mirror, dip-shit!

Thanks again, Susan.  You WILD & CRAZY girl!

EXERCISE MOTIVATION

Nothing else needs to be said...click the link below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEH4Yum4nN4&feature=youtube_gdata_playere 

Again, THANKS SUSAN!!!

ANDY ROONEY 'S TAKE ON WOMEN OVER 50

THANKS FOR SHARING SUSAN!!

"As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She goes and does something, she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!